Darwin Awards, here we come!


snake bite

While perusing the Safety Center’s Website, I stumbled upon AlSafe message 077/09. It’s called a “summary of mishaps,” but reads like the nomination entries for the Darwin Award finalists. The collection of a “year of knuckleheadedness and numbskullosity” is further proof that we have plenty of youth – what we need to find is the Fountain of Smart.

Kudos to the Safety Center staff, which has provided these examples of lessons learned in 2009:

  • I will not find a stray snake, carry it home as a pet, and then try to play with it.
  • I will not remove a .45 caliber pistol from my glove compartment and try to make sure it isn’t loaded while i’m driving to a pistol range.
  • I will not try to unclog a deck drain by drilling a hole in a damage control plug and jamming it into the end of the hose on an expired carbon-dioxide fire extinguisher.
  • I will not try to hang a picture beside a window in my office by teetering on a stool beside a large window.
  • I will not playfully try to take away a Gerber from a Marine who is fooling around with it.
  • I will not jog over to the gym at 0130 when there is a concrete barricade in my path that I didn’t know was there and couldn’t see.
  • I will not play water polo with a 10-pound medicine ball.
  • I will not use a rolling chair as a ladder and then try to jump even higher to reach something.
  • I will not pretend to push someone off a balcony, especially if they grab me while falling off.
  • I will not reward myself for serving as a designated driver by having a few drinks while waiting to actually do the driving.
  • I will not lob a coconut at someone giving a briefing while I’m in the audience. I may want to, but I promise to fight the urge.

Indeed, words to live by.


About Author

A Navy brat who spent eight years in the Marines (two years aboard the carrier Independence). Worked in journalism in Eastern North Carolina through the latter part of the 90s, then became editor of Air Force Times in 2000. Stayed there five years, then took a break to finish some school. Now back in the game with Navy Times.

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