While perusing the Safety Center’s Website, I stumbled upon AlSafe message 077/09. It’s called a “summary of mishaps,” but reads like the nomination entries for the Darwin Award finalists. The collection of a “year of knuckleheadedness and numbskullosity” is further proof that we have plenty of youth – what we need to find is the Fountain of Smart.
Kudos to the Safety Center staff, which has provided these examples of lessons learned in 2009:
- I will not find a stray snake, carry it home as a pet, and then try to play with it.
- I will not remove a .45 caliber pistol from my glove compartment and try to make sure it isn’t loaded while i’m driving to a pistol range.
- I will not try to unclog a deck drain by drilling a hole in a damage control plug and jamming it into the end of the hose on an expired carbon-dioxide fire extinguisher.
- I will not try to hang a picture beside a window in my office by teetering on a stool beside a large window.
- I will not playfully try to take away a Gerber from a Marine who is fooling around with it.
- I will not jog over to the gym at 0130 when there is a concrete barricade in my path that I didn’t know was there and couldn’t see.
- I will not play water polo with a 10-pound medicine ball.
- I will not use a rolling chair as a ladder and then try to jump even higher to reach something.
- I will not pretend to push someone off a balcony, especially if they grab me while falling off.
- I will not reward myself for serving as a designated driver by having a few drinks while waiting to actually do the driving.
- I will not lob a coconut at someone giving a briefing while I’m in the audience. I may want to, but I promise to fight the urge.
Indeed, words to live by.
