Cap'n Crunch is only a commander?! What about 'General' Mills?


Cap’n Crunch is a fraud?!

It turns out that the friendly Naval officer who has saluted kids eating breakfast for generations is not actually a captain, a Buzzfeed article reports. Navy captains have four stripes on their sleeves, but Faker Crunch only has three, making him a commander.

See the sleeves of this rank faker? From the Cap’n’s Twitter page.

If we’re really going to start picking apart his uniform, his cover is way too low on his head. It should be two fingers above the nose, not pulled down below his eyes (how did he even get it behind his eyeballs?). Also, that mustache is definitely out of regs–and I’m assuming the cap’n doesn’t have a waiver from his CO.

Is this conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman? While he’s not claiming he earned any awards, should this lie about his rank be subject to the Stolen Valor Act?

The Cap’n says no, responding to the backlash on Twitter.

In another Twitter post, Crunch said that because he’s the captain of the S.S. Grumpy, he can be addressed as captain no matter his rank, Gawker reported.

After this debacle, one wonders if we can trust any cereal cartoons. Are Frosted Flakes really GRREAT!, or has Tony the Tiger been lying to us all these years? Do Rice Krispies really hiss, sizzle and sputter instead of snapping, crackling and popping? Is General Mills really a general? I want to see some proof.

The media relations team at Quaker Oats has not yet responded to a request for comment.


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  1. AO3(AW) Ford on

    It doesn’t matter if he’s wearing Commanders bars or not. Captain is not just a rank in the navy but a title given to any commanding naval officer as well. -AO3(AW) Ford

  2. Perhaps Cap’n Crunch is the Commanding Officer of General Mills. A commanding officer (regardless of rank) can be called Captain or Skipper.

  3. While we’re pitting at the “cap’n” look at that salute, what is with this mans thumb. Don’t they get taught anything at the academy? When was this mans last PT test?

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